"the things no one tells you about studying abroad"

have you ever watched a movie, or maybe even been in a real life situation, where there was a person in the scene that was constantly putting themselves in such an awkward position or doing something incredibly ridiculous, that you almost hurt for the person and it’s almost hard to watch what’s going on. and the worst thing is, the person has no idea what’s going on, or that the other people around them are squirming or laughing on the inside because of the awkwardness of the situation. or even if they know, they can’t do anything to change that situation. well, my life has become one of those weird movies and i’m all the sudden the queen of these incredibly awkward, ridiculous situations.

luckily, i’m not the only one going through this. i was talking about this to some of the other girls in the study abroad program, and they were feeling the same way, but geez it gets frustrating sometimes. there’s nothing like sitting in a room full of people and not feeling like you can talk to anyone. or knowing exactly what you want to say, and then say it in the most ridiculous way possible. or get stared at as you walk down the street and have lord only knows whispered to you by the random man walking past. or my favorite, is when you try to say something, and you say the right words, but you just know that you sound completely ridiculous b/c the words come out completely forced b/c you’ve had to translate them (nothing like watching a movie and trying to produce exclamations of surprise or disbelief in a different language… they never come out right…). i say all of this not so much complaining, or in a “woe is me” manner, but i just wanted to illustrate the reality of my life at the moment. i completely understand that all of this is just part of it, and that being a foreigner who is learning a language is going to be awkward at times… but i really think i thought i’d left all the awkwardness behind me… oh how wrong i was. i think i’m going to write a book titled “the things no one tells you about studying abroad.” its chapters will be as follows:

1. forget being independent, prepare to feel like a kindergartener again.
-having to rely on other people for everything b/c you know nothing!

2. you’re about play the staring rold in an awkward teen movie!
-dealing with the awkwardness your very existence will create
3. conversation skills with a 100 word vocabulary
-how to get pack “me llamo ____, soy de los estados unidos, y tu?” with the
volcabulary of a 5 year old.
4. yes i have blond hair.
-how to walk through the streets when it’s obvious you’re a foreigners
5. nice to meet you, can i give you a kiss?
-learning that in some cultures it is ok to kiss on the first date… or the first time you
ever meet someone.

ok… so that’s all i’ve got so far, i’m sure i’ll have more to come soon. i guess i’ll stop being cynical for now. sorry, i just had to get it out. i really do love it here and in some ways i don’t really mind the awkwardness of this situation, but it was all just bubbling up and i though sharing it might help.

in other news, i’ve been reading “through painted deserts” by donald miller, which is pretty perfect for me right now b/c it’s about a trip he took when he was younger across the country. he pretty much leaves everything he knows for an unknown journey to an only vague destination. anyways, here’s some of my quotes i’ve marked so far:

“it’s interesting how you sometimes have to leave home before you can ask difficult questions, how questions never come up in the room you grew up in, in the twon in which you were born. it’s funny how you can’t ask difficult questions in a familiar place, how you have to stand back a few feet and see things in a new way before you realize nothing that is happening to you is normal. the trouble with you and me is we are used to what is happening to us… well, it isn’t normal. nothing is normal. it is all rather odd, isn’t it, our eyes in our heads, our hands with five fingers, the capacity to understand beauty, to feel love, to feel pain.”

in the month i’ve been here, being exposed to so many things that are outside my normal, but are so normal here, has definitely made me think about a lot of things i have always known and accepted. not to say that everything here is better, or everything back home is better, neither in the case. but like donald miller says, it’s so good to step outside of all you know, to get a chance to look at your life from a little bit more objective viewpoint. to look at your “reality” or your “normal” and see it from a different perspective. i haven’t formulated too many specifics yet, so i’ll leave it all at that, but it’s definitely an interesting experience to almost be able to see all you believe from a different set, or at least altered set, of eyes.

“[talking about everyone’s need to leave and what it will be like] and you will not be alone. you have never been alone. don’t worry. everything will still be here when you get back. it is you who will have changed.”

i just like this quote, not too much explaining required.

well, that’s enough rambling for one night. chao mis amigas y mi familia. ¡les quieren y les extraño mucho! (bye my friends and family. i love you and miss you a lot!)