trying not to freak out. fighting back tears. trying to keep my mind off of it. in denial that people are leaving. cuz i leave in three days. three days... and i don't know if i've ever had such conflicted feelings. i'm so excited to go home sometimes. i miss people and places and things so much. i know that it would be wrong for me to be here longer. i know that the Lord's faithfulness will follow me, b/c it never ends. but i still hate that i'm leaving. i hate that i will soon be thousands of miles from people i love, from these cities that i love. that a new student will soon be moving in with my family (although i'm happy for them at the same time... just jealous...). that even my gringo friends will be far from me. i'm about to leave everything i have grown to know and love in the last five months. and it absolutely breaks my heart.
mia, one of my best gringo friends, left today. i've been in complete denial about her leaving. i think it's because she's just going to the states for two and a half weeks and then she's coming back to chile for the second semester. so for some reason, since her goodbyes with everyone in chile aren't final, i feel like our goodbye isn't either. that i too will be coming back too, that we'll see each other in a few weeks after going home for a bit. but no. i'm not coming back. and it's ok. but still......
so i made cookies today. lots of cookies. to keep myself busy. take my mind off of leaving. it was pretty fun. pipe hung out with me while i was making them. he helped quite a bit and we got to talk too. geez i'm gonna me having big brothers. i'm gonna miss my big brothers. pipe keeps telling me i should stay... but i can't... i think they're pretty nervous about having a new student move in soon too. i was there first exchange student, so it's going to be an interesting transition for them too.
but as much as leaving is killing me, i'd rather it hurt that be dying to go home. b/c the fact that it hurts is a testament to how wonderful this experience has been. geez it's been a blessed experience. so i'm just going to have to learn to praise the Lord for this beautiful season of my life that He's given me, and accept the changes in the seasons, b/c they're always changing. i just kinda with that there was a spring between this winter and summer. i have a feeling that the change is going to be quite the shock. but the Lord will provide even in unnatural season changes. He will always provide. so i rest in that. until i see you all. which will be oh soo soon!
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