another week is almost over. crazy. two out of the seven almost gone. this week has been kinda funny. monday and tuesday were great days spent at the orphanage where i’m really starting to feel more comfortable. some of the tías were talking about wanting to take me out one of these weekends which really made me feel like i was starting to be truly accepted, yay! and then… i started getting sick L i guess it started tuesday evening when i started feeling a bit feverish and the headache that had been plaguing me most of the time i’ve been down here (probably just from all the change) started feeling more like a sick headache than just a normal headache. then i woke up wednesday morning with a fever, had to call into the orphanage to tell them i just couldn’t come in, and have pretty much been inside being really lazy and just trying to get to feeling better for the last couple days since. blah. but it’s presumably just a normal winter fluish thing that i guess goes around here and should be gone within four or five days. so, i’ve pretty much been really lazy, reading and lying around, and didn’t get out of the house for two whole days, but it’s been kind of nice to just relax.
it seems that learning to live in the volunteer house is going to turn out to be just as much if not more of a learning experience than what i’m learning through working at the orphanage. it definitely is a situation that is a lot more foreign to me than my work at the orphanage, as ironic as that is, considering that the other volunteers are all westerners like me, but i definitely feel more out of place there at times than i do at hogar san josé. not to say that i’m not accepted by the other volunteers, b/c that couldn’t be further from the truth, but working with children is something i understand, where i still haven’t quite come to an understanding of my house mates. they all lead very different lives than i do and come from completely different backgrounds, which at times is somewhat intimidating or lonely feeling, b/c they don’t understand much of who i am or i them. but it’s been really cool at the same time, b/c i feel like every day we come to understand and respect each other more. not because we become any less different as time goes on, but because everyone is really intentional about respecting one another, not just despite of our differences, but also because of our differences.
through living in this house, i’ve also had to seriously check my expectations and my motives. i’ve realized how much i desire the acceptance of those around me (not that i’ve never noticed this before, but it just became incredibly obvious of late). and i’m not trying to say that being accepted isn’t really nice, but i’m learning more and more that my okayness, my well being can’t be defined by whether or not i’m liked by others. and really, being confident in who i am, and not compromising that, regardless of what the people i’m around are like, or who i think they want me to be. in the end, all that really matters is that i’m living in such a way that in honoring to the Father , and as long as i’m honoring Him, everything else, all of the things of this earth, will fall into place.
so these first two weeks haven’t been the easiest two weeks of my life, i’ve been lonely and confused at times, but I can definitely see why the Lord has brought me here, and i really have had a ton of fun. the people i’m living with really are a blast. we’re kind of turning into some crazy mix of a family. we all look out for each other and learn from each other and just laugh a lot!
please pray for my relationships with people down here. pray for boldness, as sometimes i get timid do to my spanish insecurities or other worries that creep in. pray that i’d be a light, that i would be able to resist the temptation to judge others, and that i would truly just be able to love those around me with Christ’s unconditional love.
family and friends, i love and miss you. i hope all is well in your lives! let me know how things are going!
steve, myself, katie, and one of the little boy's a the orphanage katie works at. steve and katie are two of my house mates in the volunteer house.
tom, anna, steve, and i in the back of a taxi on the way to the plaza one evening. we're kind of a ridiculous group (especially steve and i's ridiculous faces), but that just makes things all the more fun!
2 comments:
Oh rachel, can we adopt him? He's so cute!!!!!
Love, mom!
my little rachel is growing up and making new friends!!
I'm sorry about the loneliness. if it's any consolation, even camp can get pretty lonely.
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